Fish Jokes
Where do fish go to borrow money?…A loan shark
Man: Can I have a fly rod and reel for my son?… Bait Shop Owner: Sorry sir we don’t do trades.
What TV game show do fish like best?… Name that tuna.
Why did the redfish get bad grades? ... Because he was below C level.
Which fish got a lead role in a Hollywood movie? ... The starfish, of course.
What is the fist lesson for a fish in school? ... The end of a hook is the point of no return.
I thought the sea urchin was my friend ... But, it was an anemone.
What is an eel's favorite game? ... Tide and seek.
Why is the new action film "Fast Fishing" such a hit? ... It has an amazing cast.
Who are the actors? … Bruce Gillis and Fin Diesel.
Holy Shrimp! ... This Scampi happening.
What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? ... One is a scum-sucking scavenger; the other is just a fish.
What does the Rasta fish love? ... Sea weed.
Why did they throw the clams out? ... They were past their shell-by-date.
How do you make a goldfish old? ... Take away the G.
I named my goldfish one and two ... If one dies, I still have two.
Have you heard about the new Sauna restaurant? ... Their specialty is steamed mussels.
Which fish is made with 2 sodium particles? ... 2 Na.
What has more lives that a cat?… A frog that croaks every night.
What did Cinderella Dolphin wear to the ball?… Glass flippers.
What is a knight’s favorite fish?… A swordfish.
Why did the optician go ice fishing?… He had perfect ice sight.
Who touts Social Fishtancing? … Dr. Anchovie Fouci
Why are fishermen poor boxers? ... All they can throw are hooks?
What do you call a fish that doesn't believe in war? ... A pacifisht.
What day do fish like to meet? ... Any day, barr-a-mundi.
What did the ocean say to the sand? ... Nothing, it just waved.
Never date a fisherman ... They just string you along.
What fish will never shut up? ... Big-mouthed bass.
Where do freshwater fish do yoga? ... The river bend.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs? ... Pier pressure
What do stylish frogs wear?…Jumpsuits
Which fish can really shake her tail? ... Sharkira!
Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other ... “You drive, I’ll man the guns!
Why are men like fish? ... They live longer if they kept their mouths shut.
What is 007's favorite fishing hole? ... Pond, James Pond.
A scientist just discovered that sharks can squirt ink ... Just squidding!
Where do goldfish go on holiday? ... Around the globe.
What happened to the illiterate fisherman? ... He was lost at C.
Why did the bluefish blush? ... Because he saw the boat’s bottom.
What party game do fish like to play? ... Salmon Says.
What instrument does the toothfish play? ... The sea bass drum.
Which fish drives a Lincoln? ... Matthew McCodaughy.
Why did the old lady make so much fish eye soup? ... To see her through the week.
Why did the fish lose his court case? ... He was gill-ty
Who keeps the ocean clean? ... Mermaids.
How do seahorses get around quickly? ... They scallop!
Name a whale that ate rotten fish? … Moby Sick
Where does seaweed look for a job? … In the ‘Kelp-wanted’ ads
Where do fish store their important documents? ... In a reef case
Why are fish smarter than people? … Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?
Here's a recipe for broiled flounder with herbs ... Nevermind. This isn't the thyme or plaice
What kind of fish will help you hear better? … A herring aid
What is a mermaid? … A deep-she fish
Name a grilled fish flipping singer? ... Tuna Turner
Which fish sings Proud Mary? ... Tuna Turner
What is a skate's favorite sunglasses? ... Ray Bans
Why is it easy to weigh a fish? ... It comes with it's own scales
Why do Gillie Eilish and Swim Shady sing so well? ... 'Cause they gpt sole!
Why is swordfish always on discount? ... Because it is a sale fish
Why won't fish ever take responsibility? ... It is always salmon else's fault
What is the fish’s favorite sitcom? ... Tuna Half Men
Why don't fish have romantic relationships? ... They are scared of intima-sea
What do you call a fish that can give you a face-lift? ... A plastic sturgeon
How does an octopus go to war?…Well-armed
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?…Open toad
Why was the Japanese fish so bashful around his crush? ... He was feeling koi
What do you call a fish with two eyes?…FIISH
What is grouchy and lives alone in the ocean? ... A hermit crab
Why do fish swim in schools? ... Because they can’t walk
What do you call an underwater social network? ... Fishbook
What does the Pope eat on Fridays during Lent? ... Holy mackerel
Which fish go to heaven when they die? ... Angelfish
Who works in the monastery kitchen? ... The fish friar and the chip monk
What do sea monsters eat? ... Fish and ships
Why did the restaurant sell bad fish? ... Long time no sea
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show?…Whale of fortune (and you thought I would say Flipper!)
What lies at the bottom of the sea and shakes? … A nervous wreck
What do you need to catch a fish? ... Someone to throw it to you
How do fish know what’s going on? ... They read Undercurrent News
How do fishermen get paid? ... Net income
What is a good name for a fish? ... Bob
What do fish need to stay healthy? ... Vitamin Sea
Why do fish make terrible journalists? ... They spread hake news
Why don’t fish like going online? ... Because they’re scared of the net
What puts white lines on the ocean?…Ocean liners
Why did the fishmonger throw out the mussels and oysters? ... They were past their shell by date
Why did the fish blush? ... Because the sea-weed!
Why was the clam fisherman so stingy? ... Because his work made him shell-fish
What did the fish say at the end of the interview? ... Let minnow when you want me to start
Does a dolphin ever do something by accident?…No, they do everything on porpoise
What’s the best way to catch a fish?…Have someone throw it at you
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?…Drop it a line
Which fish can perform operations?…A Sturgeon
What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings?…A fish tank
Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea?…Jack the kipper
What is a good fish for Lent? Holy mackerel
A man calls 911 and tells the operator he just swallowed a fish bone..
Operator: Are you Choking?
Man: No I’m serious.
What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab? .... Snappy solutions
Why are men like fish? .... They get in trouble because they can't keep there mouths shut
What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?…You can tuna piano, but you can’t tuna fish
What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much?…A beer-a-cuda
Two parrots sitting on a perch…the first one says to the other “can you smell fish?”
Why are fish smarter than humans?…Ever seen a fish spend a fortune trying to hook a human?
Two fish in a tank, one says to the other “Its a bit wet in here”, the other says, “Wow, a talking fish!”
What sea creatures come calling door to door at Christmas? ... The coral singers
What is a mermaid?…A deep-she fish
What happened to the cold jellyfish?…It set
Which girl is good at catching fish? ... Annette
What is Moby Dick's favorite TV show? ... Whale of Fortune
What do you call a man with a flatfish on his head? ... Ray
Which country has the most fish? ... Finland
Which side of the fish has more scales? ... The outside
Did you see our new fish website? ... Its online now
What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend? … Your plaice or mine?
What music do fishermen listen to?... Something catchy
Two priests ran a fish and chips shop ... One was the fish friar, one was the chip monk
What did the local Boston magician say? ... Take a cod, any cod
Why did the bluefish get bad grades? ... Because he was below C level
Which fish is only made of 2 sodium molecules?....2 Na
What did the fish say when he posted bail?....I’m off the hook!
Where do fish go to borrow money?…A loan shark
How do you get around fast on the bottom of the sea?…Skates
Where do fish wash?…In a river basin
What do you call a lazy crayfish?...A slobster.
Two fish are in a tank. One fish says to the other...“How do you drive this thing?
Do you like these crappie one liners?...They are kinda super fish-al.
What day of the week do fish hate?…Frydays
Where does seaweed look for a job?…In the ‘Kelp-wanted’ ads
Why don’t you put Nutella on salmon?...You don’t want salmonella.
Who do fish pray to?...Cod almighty.
How do you make an Octopus laugh?...With ten-tickles
Why did the bluefish blush?...Because he saw the boat’s bottom.
What was the name of Tom Sawyer’s fish?…Huckleberry Fin
What was the Tsar of Russia’s favorite fish?…Tsardines
What do you give a seasick whale?…Lots of room
Where are most fish found?…Between the head and the tail
What happened to the illiterate fisherman? He was lost at C.
What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?…You can’t tuna fish
1st kipper: ‘Smoking’s bad for you’…2nd kipper: ‘It’s OK, I’ve been cured’
How do you mail a fish?…You send it by first bass mail
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus ?…I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand
Where do you find a crab with no legs?…Exactly where you left it
Why are fish no good at tennis?…They don’t like to get too close to the net
What is the thirstiest fish in the world?…The one who drinks Canada Dry
How do you tune a fish?…With its scales
Who has eight guns and terrorises the ocean?…Billy the Squid
What do you use to cut the ocean?…A seasaw
What happened to the frog’s car when his parking meter expired?…It got toad
What do you call a fish with no eyes?…Fsh
How do fish go into business?…They start on a small scale
A fish swam into a wall and said, ... “Dam!”
What do you call a deaf shark? ... Anything you like, he cannot hear you
What do you call a frog that crosses the road, jumps in a puddle, and crosses the road again?…A dirty double-crosser
What kind of money do fishermen make?…Net profits
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?…On squid row
Where do fish keep their money?…In the river bank
What does a fish wrap round its shoulders to keep warm?…A shoal
How does a group of dolphin’s make a decision?…Flipper coin
There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant…Four fish got battered
What kind of a fish does your Parrot sit on?…A Perch
What do fish sing to each other?…Salmon-chanted evening
How do you mail a fish?…You send it COD
Why are frogs so happy?…They eat whatever bugs them
Which fish go to heaven when they die? ... Angel fish
Why are men like fish? .... They get in trouble because they cant keep their mouths shut
What do you get if you cross a math teacher with a crab? ... Snappy solutions
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark? ... As far away as possible!
What do you find on a small beach?…Micro waves
How do you kiss a pike?…Very carefully
Why did the flounder go to the doctor?…Because he was feeling a bit flat!
What does a diver get paid if he works extra hours?…Undertime
Oh cod, I can’t take any more of these fish puns, ... I’m outta this plaice
